Preacher-probably the best I have ever heard. But I say it with a qualifying statement; I did not see him live out what he preached. He did get better about haying temper tantrums, but he did not live what he preached. He was masterful in teaching and preaching; but it did not go from his head to his heart for the people. He preached to us, about caring for one another, not lying, not defrauding each other, treating each other kindly (a whole series through the book of Proverbs). He taught us on Biblical manhood and womanhood, and yet he treated women with disdain. He hated to teach youth and children; they were a terrible annoyance to him. He really acted as if he only put up with Us so he would have someone to preach to; but that otherwise, he didn’t care for us. I asked him this in our meeting with him, and he could not say that he loved us. Gave me some very good counsel; and for him was very kind and flexible when I needed to work 2 jobs-Also gave me some very poor counsel (about going back to Wayne, about talking to people that others would refer to me for help) have also done nothing but praise his preaching and would talk to the ladies in Bible study about his sesmons; I didn't know at that time, but several of the to listen to him anymore because of his attitude. This only came out as a result of a conversation with a couple of the ladies, they said they couldn’t understand hs sermons. As they tried to talk with him about their concems, he would turn the tables on them and make their concesus their faults. As theis families fell off from attending, he would take avay their responsibilities, and alienate them further. Ibelieve that if he would have pursued them instead of writing them off, they would not have had such a hard time. He would take them off the rotation to read, pray, substitute teach, work in the nursery or do anything. Uhave had him in my home on numerous occasions with a variety of people, because he does better with a small group. 1 knew he didn’t know our people and | thought to have ‘him over with people would be helpful for him. I don’t think he ever said 10 words to Margaret, (a woman I spent a lot of time with in the last 2 years who is lost). She didn’t hear any word of encouragement from him, and she needed it badly. I have had several lost people in my home when he was there, and he just ignored them. Ihave tried since he came here to help him develop relationships-by explaining our people to him, cautioning him about taking care in certain situations that I thought he needed some help with (birthdays illness, feelings ~ after Tom would say something that ‘would hurt or befuuddle people, they would come to me, and | would make excuses for him, and then try to talk to him about them and try to mention the situation, so that he would take care and make an effort to know the people he preached to.) 1 should have never played middleman-but unfortunately, I have done it all my life. Tbelieve that Tom is missing this whole area of his life. He does not know how to have a relationships with people. Simple things, like just talking with people to show that he is interested in them. He does not listen; be always needs to be the one talking (I know, 1 have the same flaw) I have seen him steamroll over people who were trying to have #conversation with him, cut off the conversation and leave the room, making everyone feel very uncomfortable. Then they would say, “1 don’t think our pastor likes me.”” He is very authoritarian-not in the way he preaches, but in every other detail. It had to be his way ot the highway-and he literally treated people this way. If they didn’t like the way he said it would be, then they could leave. And he would remark, “they were never really a part of us anyway.” This remark was made on at least 6 occasions that I can remember. On several occasions when people were having trouble with him, he would comment that they were in sin, I have never heard him say he was sorry to anyone. He would explain why he did something, but it was always a reason; he never took responsibility for hurting enyone’s feelings, or having a temper tantrum, or throwing people out of his office, or kicking or ‘iting bis dog for no reason; becoming angry in public and embarrassing people in Public places, or for making hurtful remarks, or for just being wrong ‘Treated me personally Phone humiliation with his dad Phone manners (too nice) Ralph-presumption ‘Treated the body Mailings; Jeanie, Gerry(birthday), Sandy, Mel (wouldn’t let people help with sorting) Book mailing and the phone-me answering and him trying to take the phone away-Jason talking to him in his office ‘Meal Preparation ‘Meals on wheels ~ would not even speak when he entered a room full of people. Dottie Brenner, then a prospective member, asked why he never spoke to anyone when he came in, She asked “Doesn't he even say good morning?” She mentioned fo me on several occasions that he needed to become more friendly. When we were preparing, on more than one occasion, we needed tracts to put into the ‘bags, end he hadn’t gotten any for us. We would call(I knew from the beginning that he idn’t want anyone over at his house, so 1 always called} or go over to the house to ask what he wanted us to do, and he would not answer the door, but as soon as we left he ‘would get in his car with Reggie, his dog, and speed out of the parking lot and not return until we were all gone. 1 must admit that this accelerated to the point that on one occasion someone knocked on every door and window of the house, and on another occasion, one of the youth actually went into his home and called for him. 1 know this sounds silly, but we coud not get him to answer us for anything, but he was very particular about what tracts went into the meals, so we were trying to gethis help. (He old me how he used to park around the comer at the clinic and sneak over the back fence and into his house so no one would know he was home.) And he expressed to me and several others on a Wednesday evening following prayer meeting that if one more person came over to his house during meals on wheels to get tracts, he would take out his shotgun and shoot them, He was so mad about this; it became a joke, but one we all tookseriously. This was another way that he let people know he did not want them bothering him at his home. iliation Probably the worst thing I experienced with Tom was how he humiliated people. First me with his father on the phone (witnessed by my son, son-in-law, and Chris Monroe); Treatment of Pat over the coffee; the public humiliation of the Monroe brothers, his cavalier treatment of visitors, Gerry (her 75" birthday party), He completely ran her off” from helping in the office. Shorty in Sunday School; Bob at our $0” anniversary; me over the job situation; { have seen him humiliate Rich when Rich was leading music, Pam when playing the piano-1 know { have personally tried to cover for him with every ‘woman in this congregation except one. Visits He rarely called or visited anyone when in the hospital or when sick. 1 would call and find out how they were and let him know; but he would balk if | mentioned him visiting-I thought I was being a nag, so 1 said nothing more, just kept letting bim know about people. Prayer Chain ‘He hated the prayer chain. 1 have since found out that when he was in charge of starting the prayer chain, he would pick and choose who he would call for and what he deemed was a reasonable request. People have come to me and said “! called it for the prayer chain”-afier no one had gotten the message, Tom admitted he hadn't started the prayer chain er He also was like a spring ready to spring all over the room when people brought up fequests that he thought were too lengthy or inappropriate, He had a strict criteria of what we could ask for prayer for. (Our church is very careful about this in the first place, wwe don’t have people asking to have prayer over a hangnail) He spent a long time ‘teaching us how to make requests, what was a reasonable request for a Wednesday night, etc. We became very careful about what we would ask prayer for. \ know I myself have struggled with needing to ask for prayer, but have just waited until the small group so | could fee) comfortable. He also would make people fee! embarrassed when he would ask questions; they would answer, but he would be looking for specific answers and so people would begin not to ‘answer anymore, so that every experience would be the same, Tomt would speak, no one would have the nerve to try t0 answer fearing they would be wrong, ‘We had other prospective members who joined in on the conversation on a Wednesday evening and Tom was ready to completely revise the Wednesday evening service so that he could do al! the talking and keep newcomers from saying anything. (He felt this was dangerous to the church-that sotneore from the outside might say something to upset our